Puffling

Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't been on or submitting anything new. I'm in the process of moving, but I plan on submitting new stuff soon! <3 u all

RIP Matthew Hungerford. I'll miss you. ♥

Was cleaning my mom's office and found this. thought id share


Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off,
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
But don't be fooled.
For God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure.
That all is sunny and unruffled with me,
Within as well as without,
That confidence is my name and coolness my game,
That the water's calm and I'm in command,
And that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is
My mask,
Ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear
Being exposed.
Thats why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant sophisticated facade,
To help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
If it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
From my own self-built prison walls,
From the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,
That I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
Will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh,
And your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
That I'm just no good.
And that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
With a facade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
And nothing of what's everything,
Of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine,
Do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
What I'd like to be able to say,
What for survival I need to say,
But what I can't say.

I don't like to hide.
I don't like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
But you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
Even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the
Breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings,
Very small wings,
Very feeble wings,
But wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
You can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,
How you can be a creator.
A honest-to-God creator
Of the person that is me
If you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
You alone can remove my mask,
You alone can release me from my
Shadow-world of panic and uncertainty,
From my lonely prison,
If you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by,
It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me,
The blinder I may strike back
Its irrational, but despite what the books say about man,
Often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,
And in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
With firm hands
But with gentle hands
For a child is very sensitive;

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
And I am every woman you meet.

-Charles C. Finn-

Lyrics to "The Sermon" by Drowning Pool. i was listening to it the other day and realized it describes how i feel. so yeah.



GO!

Where was God when I needed a friend
Where was God when I came to an end
Where was God when I lost my mind
Where was God when I could not find

Don't want to be up or down
Don't want to be up or down
Don't want to be up or down
I Don't want to be up or down

Where was love when I felt like hate
Where was hate when I felt like love
Where were you when you said you'd be there
Where was the fear when I said I was scared

I Don't want to be up or down
Don't want to be up or down
I Don't want to be up or down
I Don't want to be up or down

WHY?

Tell me what you believe
I'll tell you what you should see
I don't know who to trust
My heart is filled with disgust

I CAN'T TAKE THIS NOW!

Tell me what you believe
I'll tell you what you should see
I don't know who to trust
My heart is filled with disgust
Tell me what you believe
Tell me what you should see

Ladies and Gentlemen!
May I have your attention?
Are you ready for the joke?
Are you ready for the great deception? GOD!

Tell me what you believe (God!)
Tell me what you believe (God!)
Tell me what you believe
Tell me what you believe
Tell me what you believe
Tell me what you believe

"evileb uoy tahw em llet nemletneg dna seidal"

Which ones have you done?
(Don't mark which ones you've done.)

1. smoked.
2. consumed alcohol.
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
5. kissed someone of the same sex.
6. had sex.
7. had someone in your room other than family.
8. watched porn.
9. bought porn.
10. tried drugs.
TOTAL: 9

1. taken painkillers.
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine.
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house.
6. done something illegal.
7. felt hurt.
8. hurt someone.
9. wished someone to die.
10. seen someone die.
TOTAL: 18

1. missed curfew.
2. stayed out all night.
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
4. been to a therapist.
5. been to rehab
6. dyed your hair.
7. received a ticket.
8. been in an accident.
9. been to a club.
10. been to a bar
TOTAL: 25

1. been to a wild party.
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade.
3. drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
4. had a spring break in Florida.
5. sniffed anything
6. wore black nail polish
7. wore arm bands.
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap.
10. owned a 50 Cent CD.
TOTAL: 30

1. dressed gothic.
2. dressed girly.
3. dressed punk.
4. dressed grunge.
5. stole something.
6. been too drunk to remember anything.
7. blacked out.
8. fainted.
9. had a crush on a neighbor.
TOTAL: 36

1. had a crush on a friend.
2. been to a concert.
3. dry-humped someone.
4. been called a slut.
5. called someone a slut.
6. installed speakers in your car.
7. broken a mirror.
8. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house with them
9. brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush.
TOTAL: 42

1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater.
3. cruised the mall.
4. skipped school.
5. had surgery.
6. had an injury.
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
9. caught something on fire.
10. lied about your age.
TOTAL: 50

1. owned/rented an apartment.
2. broke the law in the police's presence.
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf.
4. got in trouble with the police.
5. talked to a stranger.
6. hugged a stranger.
7. kissed a stranger.
8. rode in the car with a stranger.
9. been harassed.
10. been verbally harassed.
TOTAL: 54

1. met face-to-face with someone you met online.
2. stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight.
5. been to a fair.
6. been called a bad influence.
7. drink and drive.
8. prank-called someone.
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
10. cheated on a test.
TOTAL: 62


Grand Total:
If You Have Less Than 10.. write [im a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10.. write [im still a goody goody]
If You Have more Than 20..write [im average]
If You Have More Than 30..write [im a bad kid]
If You have more than 40..write [im a very bad influence]
If You Have more than 50..write [im a horrible person]
If You Have more than 60..write [i should be in jail]
If You Have more than 70..Write [i should be dead]